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TUESDAY 8.07.01 5:55PM
If you're not confused at this age, you're doing something wrong. If you're not at least a little bit uncertain about the beliefs you were raised on or your current career path then the brainwashing worked. I don't know where I expect any of my current endeavors to go. That includes school as well as people and everything else I do. Luckily, I can live with that. If I couldn't I'd be strung out on heroin as an escape. It's an escape drug, you know.
"I'm amazed that I survived,
An airbag saved my life"
My mind gets blown every few days on average because these amazing girls that shouldn't waste more time than what it takes to take a passing glance at me keep telling me I'm great and stuff. What?? It doesn't go to my head because immediately (and usually pretty briefly) I question their mental health. I maintain my view that if I was someone else and I met me, I wouldn't particularly care for me. Confusing, I know. The flipside of all that is when a cool female goes off on a rant and tells me, in short, I'm an asshole. It's true so I have an easier time accepting that than when I'm told I'm great.
"They ask no quarter"
A good buddy of mind yelled at me for a good while, not too long ago but I forget when. She told me I'm thoughtless and oblivious and that I don't know anything about girls. That's the short version. I found it amazing that she could criticize me so vehemently, considering how well I treat my girls especially in comparison to how other guys treat girls. Another thing that happens pretty frequently is I'm led to throw out everything I've learned about women. I'm expected to understand incredibly oversensitive and emotional girls when I'm as sensitive and emotional as concrete? I've realized that you can't learn about women in general, you have to learn about each specific one. For a long time I mostly dealt with pretty carefree girls whose feelings didn't get hurt by little things. Then I ran through a string of chicks who burst into tears if you're half an hour late in calling them (I exaggerate of course). Being virtually impervious to resentment and what-not, I have a hard time understanding these people, especially when they just expect me to know that I'm causing them grief. Female logic is an oxymoron.
I've been called self-centered because I don't realize that my actions (or lack of action) hurt people. I tend to wait for people to invite me places rather than call and make plans. I'm horrrrible with planmaking. Am I really a mean and selfish person because of this? God, I hope not. I've been like this for quite awhile.
"crab if you want her, she won't be coming back"
Since I was like 15 I've been the shoulder to cry on and advice giver for dozens of girls. I'm good at listening. I remember what's said to me. I give good advice. I buy good presents. I'm good at making girls feel better. And now I'm apparently good at upsetting them, despite my best efforts to do otherwise. I've given a lot of good service to the opposite sex!! I have a word of warning to girls: you're driving all the nice guys insane. All you do is bitch about the lack of nice available guys. This habit of bitching is turning all the nice, available guys into bitter gay men. Careful with that shit!
"poisoning their brainwashed minds"
I dunno if I have it in me to put forth the effort to make a relationship work. In the early part of a relationship there's this need for constant reassurance and emotional bolstering and I realllly don't have the patience for that right now. I crave a relationship that is RELAXED in the initial awkward phase. I'm relaxed with my girlfriends. It's so nice. So comfortable. I don't have to wonder if their affection is waning because it's irrelevant. Christ, this entry is really dragging on. I don't really know if any of this has made any sense either. This subject is too broad and I've bitten off more than I care to chew....
"my papa said 'son, don't let the man getcha, do what he done to me'"
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